Recently, several women came to see me with a similar issue. Although their ages were different, varying from 45 to 75, each woman was at a crossroad in her relationship with her partner or husband. These women were confused, not knowing for sure whether to leave their partner or stay.
Some had been struggling to decide for a year or more. That doesn’t mean it was on their mind all the time, but whenever their disappointed feelings surfaced again, they were in turmoil. All harboured an underlying feeling of dissatisfaction, keenly aware that time was constantly passing them by.
Their complaints about their relationships were similar. They felt a lack of connection and intimacy, had lost any physical attraction, saw their partners as friends rather than lovers, or believed their partners were emotionally or intellectually indifferent to their needs. In general, each couple was no longer engaged with each other. Something was missing.
How do we know when to leave and when to stay?
No relationship is the same. There is no easy or common formula. But one thing is certain. The problem can only be resolved by the person dissatisfied. Looking to our partner for the answer is not likely to help. That is not our point of power. To find the authentic answer to our problems, each one of us must explore our own personal needs, expectations and motivations. That involves investigating our life journey to discover what we are here to learn, experience and resolve.
Here are two examples that may help explain what I mean.
A lovely lady, retired and spiritually focussed, came to me because she felt blocked. She had thought about separating from her husband of many years, even though she described him as a good man. But there were some behaviours she didn’t like. He wasn’t spiritual like she was, could be negative, wasn’t healthy and drank too much. She felt resentful, unsure if she could graciously look after him in his old age. She wondered, “Should I leave?”
During the regression she undertook with me, we discovered she was carrying a deep unresolved grief which coloured her view of humanity and her life on Earth. She accessed a past life where she was a man, a tribal leader. For a long time, the tribe lived an idyllic life of hunting, rituals and connection. But one day foreign marauders came, and all tribal members were killed. He, the leader, died feeling hopeless, unable to protect his people. The sad, powerless feelings of this man surfaced, and my client wept loudly and deeply for some time.
Releasing this grief changed something in my client. She described how she now felt about her husband.
I need to appreciate his strengths. He is strong and resilient. I love him very much. (Crying) I have misjudged him. I am seeing him differently now. He is a protector. I never appreciated that until now. I have been resistant. I can see the light in his soul. I hardened years ago. Now I am softening. I feel a light and a lot of joy.
(Note: This case is recounted in of my podcasts, Episode 31.)
Resistance to love and life can be deeply buried, as it was in this case. Sometimes resistance is in the form of justifications, such as in the following case.
A successful management consultant in her mid-forties came to see me. She had psychic abilities that had served her well all her life, but now they were blocked. As we talk, I discover she feels pulled to leave her husband. He is a good man but some months ago, while working, she met a man with whom she feels an undeniable, calm and powerful connection. Even though neither she or this man have spoken a word of how they feel personally, she strongly senses a future together and a pull to leave her husband.
Experience has taught me that when we feel blocked, we are resisting a truth or action we need to acknowledge or take.
In the first example, my client was resisting love. In the past life, her love for her tribe bought her much suffering at the end of her life. In her psyche, love had become associated with deep grief. She harboured a fear of any deep loving connection because to her it meant great loss, like the one she experienced in the past life. She had believed the disconnection and lack of satisfaction she felt in her marriage was due to her husband. In reality, she was the one protecting herself by disconnecting from loving connection.
In the second case, my client was disturbed by the idea of divorcing her husband, even though she felt the relationship had run its course and was now a platonic friendship. Her family religion and culture expected marriages to last. In fact, divorce was not even legal in her country of origin. She knew no one in her circle of family and friends would approve.
During the regression, she came to understand that not following her heart severed her connection to her inner guidance and true self. She had been mentally justifying why she needed to stay, afraid to upset her family, her friends, her children, or her husband.
Her spiritual guides clearly told her that the choice to leave or stay was hers. But she sensed her life would be very short if she refused to follow the plan for her life and stayed married. She had a soul contract with her husband and children and the lessons they needed to learn included her leaving the family, either by choice or by dying early.
She was also told there was a plan for her that would only proceed after she left her marriage. Then her life held the possibility of this new relationship, and she was told she would accomplish much in this latter part of her life, which included helping many people.
Knowing whether you should stay in a relationship or leave is clearer once you have a deeper understanding your purpose this life and the pre-birth contracts you have with others. Being your authentic self and following your purpose this life is more important than any social-rules or cultural traditions.
We all have a soul history and purpose that we hope to fulfil each lifetime. When we are aligned with our path, life unfolds easily. The women who came to see me were able to uncover and understand their soul history and purpose. This illuminated their path this lifetime, making their decision whether to leave or stay much clearer. Having clarity and purpose, they felt energised and encouraged to take the required action.