Just recently, someone asked me why I am writing about the complex nature of evil. Actually, my latest book, Lost Souls, Wise Souls: How Challenging Past Lives Shape Our Future, is not just about evil. This book looks at the journey to enlightenment that we take through many lifetimes. However, it also explores how and why we take a dark path through some of our lives.

Since then, I wonder why I always feel compelled to understand human behaviour. Looking back, I realise that my curiosity arose from experiences during my younger years. Of course, I’ve experienced many, but one in particular stands out. It plays a role in the path I take in life. I am alert, not only because of what happened, but also because of the nature of the person who plays a leading role.

After leaving a violent marriage at the age of twenty, I move from Queensland to Sydney. After a few months working and meeting people, I find myself living with an underworld figure, nicknamed Snowy. Despite his dangerous reputation, I feel safe living with Snowy. My ex husband had threatened to kill me, but I know he will not take on the Sydney underworld.

Snowy and I live in Gladesville, within walking distance of Lennie’s house. According to newspaper reports and a Royal Commission, Lennie is Mr Big, the head of the Sydney Underworld. I do not know what Lennie and Snowy are up to, but since then I have learned a lot more from reports, books, and the Underbelly: Tale of Two Cities television series. Probably, some people would describe them as evil.

Living amongst criminality

After living with Snowy for a couple of years, Lennie decides to take both of us on a vacation through Asia with his family. We spend a few days in Singapore and then Kuala Lumpur before landing in Penang. Lennie’s adult daughter (from a previous marriage), his second wife with their two young sons and I remain in a luxury hotel. Meanwhile, Lennie and Snowy are taking a side trip. Snowy explains that Lennie, who I know is a compulsive womanizer, wants to visit Chiang Mai. From rumours, I understand this Thai town is renown for its beautiful women. I am unimpressed, to say the least. Snowy assures me he is not interested in the women. During our time together, I had no reason to doubt him. Just the same, I am furious with Lennie for potentially leading my partner astray.

At dinner that evening with his wife and children, I find myself saying, “I don’t know why they’ve gone to Chiang Mai. There is nothing there but brothels.”

Until the men return two days later, I am sick. I stay in my room and order a jug of freshly-squeezed orange juice. Apparently, orange juice in Asia at that time is scare.

In the cab to the airport, Lennie, who pays for everything, is going through the hotel charges.

“Who the hell ordered the orange juice?” he shouts.

In today’s money that jug of orange juice costs over $100. “I did.” Quietly, I confess. “I had a sore throat.” He turns around from the front seat and glares at me. An expletive leaves his lips.

The Complex Nature of Evil

As it turns out, the orange juice is soon forgotten. That is, once his daughter tells him what I’d said at dinner in front of his wife.

Soon after we land in Hong Kong, Lennie confronts me.

“You said this deliberately,” he says. “You want to make trouble for me.”

“No. Not at all,” I insist. “It was just an innocent comment.” At the time, I really believe what I say. In my view, I have no intention of discrediting him. I was just making conversation.

He keeps at me and I refuse to agree, completely convinced of my innocence. Lennie will not let it go. He continues arguing in with me in Hong Kong, then Tokyo and constantly in Manila doing the weeks we are there. At every opportunity, he badgers me. One night, I even hear an associate say, “There’s Lennie and Karen arguing again.”

Back in Sydney, he persists every time we met, asserting that I want to cause him trouble. Finally, at the opening of an illegal casino in Liverpool, he suggests, “Just assume I am right for a few minutes.”

Weary of him hassling me, I consider what he suggests. That night at home, I act on his suggestion. I put myself back in Penang at dinner and imagine I wanted to make life difficult for him.

Having that thought is all it takes. I realise that for months I’ve been dishonest with Lennie and more importantly, dishonest with myself. Of course, I wanted to punish him. I was so furious, I’d even made myself sick.

Immediately. I call Lennie and apologise. Now he is perfectly satisfied.

Is ignorance evil?

Making this realisation is a turning point for me. Up until that moment, I had no idea how easily we can deceive ourselves and how doggedly we insist on justifying our stance. I’ d argued with Lennie for months, defending a position without a scrap of merit.

Given his power at the time, Lennie could have handled my audacity in many ways. After all, I am grateful he persisted. He helped me wake up. Now I start asking questions about human nature. How had I done that? How had I been so blind to the truth? A year or so later, I go back to school, get into university, and study psychology.

There is a postscript to my story. My naivety, demonstrated at age twenty-one, is not easily conquered. At that time, Lennie said many times that he hated drugs, didn’t use them, and would not deal in them. I knew he didn’t use drugs, so I believe him. Only recently, when I looked at the distance between Penang and Chiang Mai (nearly 2000 km), did I see how naive I was.

I never doubted Snowy’s story about Lennie going to Chiang Mai for the beautiful women. At that time, beautiful, classy women were available in every city in Asia. In fact, Chiang Mai is in the middle of the Thai area of the Golden Triangle. What was the real reason they went to Chiang Mai? Now I wonder if the story I was told was just a distraction. Because I was smart and curious, they had to give me some reason for their strange diversion.

Conclusion

I do not regret my decade with criminals in Sydney. I learned a lot and my quest to understand evil is now satisfied.

Karen’s latest book, Lost Soul, Wise Soul, How Challenging Past Lives Shape Our Future, explores how we find ourselves in past lives where we are blind to evil, where we take evil actions, how we eventually emerge, and why we go down the dark path in the first place.