Healing from an absent father is important on your spiritual journey. if your father is physically or emotionally absent, it may be part of your souls’ plan. Children develop strategies to cope with the absence of their father. Consequently, you learn and learns grow. Here are some examples of fathers being absent in some way especially, during childhood.
Christian becomes a perfectionist
Christian is a perfectionist. Although this sometimes suits his career as a specialist engineer, it also contributes to his general feelings of dissatisfaction. He tends to be self-critical, frustrated with his work colleagues and annoyed with his boss who fails to acknowledge his efforts at work.
The source of his perfectionism is his childhood relationship with his father. His father, an excellent provider, believes his only job as a husband and father is to bring in the money, mow the lawn occasionally and take out the garbage. Christian’s father works long hours in a high profile and demanding job. At home after work, he flops down in front of the TV and tends to be grumpy and critical when interacting with his family.
When young, Christian is talented at sport but his father takes no interest, and never comes to see a game. As is often the case with absent fathers, Christian craves his father’s attention, relentlessly seeking to impress him and gain his approval.
Even though his striving never works, Christian continues by trying to be perfect. He desperately needs to be acknowledged by his boss, colleagues and friends but even when he receives a compliment or thanks, he remains unsatisfied.
Christian healing from an absent father
During his regression, he learns his perfectionism arises from his feelings of worthlessness and his compulsion to please. He is his own worst enemy. He never praises himself, doubting the quality of his work and being constantly self-critical.
In previous lives, he had been careless and flippant. His current life plan was to make a shift to being more diligent. His absent father was a catalyst. Without fatherly attention and acknowledgement, Christian develops his perfectionism. Deep down, he senses he unworthy of his father’s help and attention and thus tries to be perfect.
On the continuum of being very easy going at one end and very precise at the other, Christian has shifted significantly in his current life. He is now rigidly precise, causing a lot of frustration for himself when he doesn’t quite measure up.
Once Christian sees the larger plan for his development, he relaxes. He is on track with his life plan. His negatively reduces and he begins acknowledging the progress he is making. He realises there are tasks where being precise is important and others where it isn’t necessary. Having his perfectionistic tendencies, he easily finds the motivation to apply this new knowledge.
Once he feels positive about himself and his work, he stops needing positive attention from his boss and colleagues. He is more relaxed at work and enjoying his work environment.
Anna loses herself
Looking back Anna sees her father is a quiet man. He sits in the corner, reading his books or watching TV. Every now and then, he becomes annoyed by something his wife is doing and blows up angrily. He has no interest in his two children.
Even though she dislikes her father, Anna marries a man who is much the same. Soon, she discovers her husband is also distant, taking little interest in their two children. Eventually, this becomes very painful for Anna. Consequently, she seeks counselling and decides to leave the marriage.
Anna’s father never changes. After her marriage breaks up, she goes back to live with her parents for a few months. Her father keeps to himself and ignores his grandchildren.
After her son is diagnosed with autism, Anna realises that both her father and her husband have autistic tendencies. Also, she sees her marriage broke down because she stopped playing her old childhood role. In the past, she tiptoes around her father and as a wife tiptoes around her husband.
Anna’s life between lives regression
Consequently, she does a life between lives regression because she wants to know what she is supposed to learn from these relationships.
Anna’s guides reassure her that she is on track. Importantly, she is on the path of learning how to balance her needs with the needs of others. This is a very difficult lesson to learn. Some people give so much of themselves to others, they become ill. Often others are selfish and ignore the needs of those around them.
Unfortunately, disinterested fathers negatively affect their children. In this situation, being the father or the child, you are missing out. However, seeing deeply into shut-down men helps you make a shift from hurt to love and understanding.
Also, Anna’s husband and father are in the process of learning this lesson. Her husband is not happy about her leaving. Now, he has to fend for himself. He may need several challenging lifetimes before he understands the importance of caring for others.
When Anna leaves her husband, she is emotionally drained and feeling lost. Sadly, she doesn’t know who she is and what she really needs. Unfortunately, by fitting in with her father and husband, she has given too much of her true self away.
Now she must solve this dilemma. Bringing up an autistic son is challenging. Especially, when she must balance his needs with hers.
Helpfully, she knows this journey will test her. Like all of us, Anna is learning through experience. It is trial and error. But Anna knows she is on the right path.
Conclusion
Absent fathers play a role in our soul development. Often, some of us with absent fathers may envy friends who have attentive fathers. However, I suggest you consider the wisdom and strength you build from having a disinterested father.
One other client meets his father during his life between lives regression. He complains.
“Why didn’t you ever do anything with me when I was young?”
“Don’t you remember son,” his father replies. “You asked me to step back when we first made the plan for your life. You wanted to build your independence.”
The focus of our two sessions has been on his need to develop independence. Immediately the client realises his father is right. Suddenly, all the past hurt drains away.
Once you reach a higher perspective of your soul’s long journey, you just might see your inattentive father is a blessing.
Thanks Karen. That all sounded familiar.
You alone have us notice this “ balance “ that even the other writers don’t see. It took me awhile to get a definition on it. It takes away the “ should have known better “ that society, well me too, is ingrained in. No one else in this field was ‘ given ‘ this ? Hmm. Your book, Other Lives, Other Realms I now give out first, to set perspective for the others. After all, without balance….
Say, where could I get a list of other books in this field ?
I’ve recently found out about Allen Kardec , The Spirit’s Book, who wrote in France in the 1870’s. Much the same material, to my astonishment.
I know of:
Chet Snow, Mass Dreams of the Future,
Helen Wambach, Reliving Past Lives, and Life Before Life,
that aren’t well known.
And I would like add what was ‘ given ‘ to me, what if the executioners refused to execute John the Baptist, what if the soldiers in Matthew 2:16 refused to kill the little babies ? I think that’s the point Jesus wanted to make.
And you reinforced it with your story of Terry ( Peter ) ransacking Constantinople, only to be stabbed by the monk.
I’m in the United States, but tell it to them here.
The greatest military is no match for the golden rule, guess who’ll win.
Tyler Conerly
Jackson, Mississippi USA
Yes finding the balance is important. I am certainly addressing the issue of finding balance on other continuums in my new book, Lost Soul, Wise Soul: How Our Challenging Past Lives Shape Our Future, but that book won’t be out for a while. I will be letting my subscribers know when. I also like Helen Wambach’s work. Wisdom of Souls is a book I co-wrote. Also Bryn Blankinship has a book out on regressions and so does Rita Borenstein. They ae members of the Newton Institute. You might like to check those out.
Thanks Karen for posting that artical which reflects my life and my partners life and our difficult life together. I’m at peace with pre life decisions but am increasingly asking the higher realms for help before our relationship gets any worse. I’d love a glimpse into the other realm and feel the unity, family and love which may help as we Finnish the last of our lives.
Asking for help from those realms and guides is wise, in my view. They totally respect our free will so we need to give them permission to assist us.
I have the same feelings. Thanks for saying the words for me!!!
Great blog Karen. Thank you for sharing. Rachel
Hello Karen,
An insightful article that can likely help many release parental judgement and resentment, thank you!
Wondering if you also have any writings and insights on the issue of abusive mothering?
I’ve spent many years working with men’s spiritual and personal growth groups, and it’s surprising how many are struggling with coming to terms over abusive and controlling parenting they experienced from their mothers.
It appears a taboo subject and hard for many to discuss openly. Mothers are traditionally seen by society only in the light of loving and caring parenting, and as such many men (and some women I know also) feel a sense of shame and guilt around questioning their mother’s abusive patterns, even to feeling responsible for it themselves.
It is an area where a lot of healing and Spiritual understanding needs to take place. Grateful for any insights.
Many thanks and warm regards for your work!
Thank you Ross. I agree. Mothers are very human and some can be extraordinary abusive. It is a somewhat taboo subject but I appreciate your interest and courage in calling it out. I do have stories to tell about this topic and I will do so.