Overcome your fear of being authentic and step into your power. This means embracing authenticity, Authenticity! In many ways, it is such an imprecise word. But then, how desirable! Of course, we want to live authentically, to express our truth with courage and conviction. But if we fear others pushing back, it’s easy to stall or self-sabotage.

Some time ago, I faced this challenge. An American publisher accepts for publication, my book, Lost Soul, Wise Soul: How Our Challenging Past Lives Shape our Future. As my manuscript makes its inexorable way through the publisher’s editing and design processes, the truth finally dawns on me. My words, ideas and insights will be laid bare to my readers. Suddenly, I fear how they might react.

My book Lost Soul, Wise Soul explores the darker impulses of human nature. First, our capacity to inflict terrible suffering on others. Second, our willingness to indulge the worst of our passions. Consequently, there is a reason for my concern. However, I know that after travelling through our dark night of the soul, we have a choice. We can to remain trapped in our torment, or emerge into the light.

While I know the book is ultimately uplifting, I struggle with my doubts. These days, our media culture is victim-centric. By sympathising with grievously wounded people, we can unwittingly trap them in victimhood. Also, victims and their allies, can turn away from hope.

Overcome fear of being authentic

Is there a way out of this unsavoury process of feeling like a victim? Hopefully, I believe there is. First step, is unsparing self-analysis. Eventually, this leads to emotional and spiritual growth. Unfortunately, many refuse to acknowledge this path. Instead, they can become trapped as victims, seeking sympathy and soothing. In a way, they become their own perpetrators, condemning themselves to perpetual suffering.

Lost Soul, Wise Soul exposes our victim and perpetrator stances, suggesting we look to our inner life for the answers we crave.

Although many turn away from darkness, I felt compelled to write Lost Soul, Wise Soul. I want to express my deepest beliefs and emotions. In truth, the book is one panacea for our current ills. I sense a duty to make these ideas public. And yet, I’m alert to the risk of self-sabotage. What is it I really fear?

The moment I ask that question, a deluge of negative thoughts surge through my mind. “People will dislike me. They’ll be angry. They’ll punish me, strap me, try to kill me, make my live miserable, take me to court, judge me, yell at me, ignore me, rape me.

I reel at this onslaught. What is the genesis of such terror? As I draw a few slow, deep breaths, I see a series of images appear in my mind. By giving myself distance I can view them dispassionately, I recognise the traumas that have shaped these buried beliefs. Most traumas occurred during the first twenty years of my current life.

I ask, “what have I done to cause such treatment?” “Nothing.” is the answer. I had simply been myself. My perpetrators taught me things I do not need. One, don’t exceed your station. If you do, you’ll pay the price. Two, be grateful for what you have. Three, be small and humble. Four, don’t be selfish. Five, fulfil the needs of others. Six, keep people happy to avoid being hurt.

I thought about the people who said they loved me, but who cut me to the quick. Who were they, really?

Sadly, most were flawed and emotionally damaged. Then, many were disconnected from spirit. Unfortunately, others were totally lost. Looking closer, I saw their lack of self-control, while wanting to rigidly control others. I saw rage and anger, alcoholism, physical violence, rape, sadism, paedophilia, emotional cruelty, hatred and intolerance. As well, I saw people desperately hiding from themselves. I also saw acts of kindness, love, care, comfort, and a desire to do the right thing. No wonder, by the time I was twenty, I was terribly confused.

At least, one thing became clear. Did I really want these damaged people to run my life? No! I did not.

Step into your power

I turned on the TV and Netflix. For the fourth time, I watched Brené Brown, in her talk, The Call to Courage. She recalls the snark and envy she endured after her first TED Talk. Initially, she was devastated. Then she thought about it. First, did her critics have her courage? No. Second, did they put themselves out into the world? No. Instead, they snipe at those who have the courage to offer their point of view and never expose their throats to the mob.

What emotions are driving these people, Envy? Fear? No, it’s worse than that. It’s a self-hatred so profound they dare not face it. Instead, they turn it on a woman who stood before a camera and revealed her vulnerabilities to the world. By seeking to destroy her, they seek to destroy their fear and own sense of inadequacy. But they fail on both counts. Sadly, their anger perpetuates their weakness.

Brené sees through their confected rage. If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion because you were being brave, I am not interested in, or open to, your feedback, she declares. “I choose courage over comfort.”

Brené stands tall. She continues to share her experiences and insights with others. In spite of the criticism, she stays the course. I applaud her personal power.

Her example inspires me. I acknowledge my fear of being vulnerable and affirm my commitment to follow through. I step out, ready to welcome my path and destiny 

Lost Soul, Wise Soul: How Our Challenging Past Lives Shape Our Future is available on Amazon and Nexus.