Forgiveness with love and gratitude all go together when we are really at peace.

Recently, I received an email from a client, Stephanie, which touched me deeply. For many years, Stephanie struggled with her narcissistic mother. In recent times, she finally realised that no matter how much she tried to help her mother, she would never receive what she yearned for, that is, a mother who loved and accepted her. She could clearly see her mother was not destined to change this lifetime.

For years, Stephanie had tried to understand her mother and the cruel words and actions her mother directed towards her. Eventually, she could see how her need for connection to her mother had kept her trapped in victimhood. Finally, Stephanie took a powerful stance by accepting responsibility for her role in the relationship. Now, she was ready to take a further step and, with her permission, I am sharing what she discovered.

Forgiveness with love and gratitude

Today, I experienced something quite profound about my mother. Afterwards, I felt happy and peaceful, and I am hoping this lasts. This is what came to me:

I was thinking of the quote, “In life, you will always face a series of God-ordained opportunities brilliantly disguised as problems and challenges.” Then I realised we need to experience both sides of any situation. That is the only way to really know what the other side feels like (e.g. victim and perpetrator). Later, I found a photo of my mother and looked deeply into her eyes.This is what came to me.

My mother showed me:

• the opposite of unconditional love. This helped me learn to have unconditional love for myself.
• the serious impact of a loved one who has severe insecurities and a lack of self-love.
• how essential self-love is the most important lesson in life.
• how compassionate, understanding and loving I can be to one treating me harshly.
• that self-absorbed people don’t warrant the time and compassion we give them, while we are sacrificing our own needs.

Also, she taught me:

• to find and utilise my real internal strength and resilience very quickly.
• to develop and rely on my strong intuition from a young age.
• that I have a right to be honest and to express my needs to others.
• that I am only responsible for myself, no one else. 
• that forgiving her, being grateful and loving her just, as she is, sets me free.

Now, I can be more loving and more of who I want to be, instead of being stuck in feeling sad, angry victimised.

Finally my mother, brilliantly disguised as a narcissistic, sad, highly-insecure, lonely lost soul, taught me these wonderful gifts. I know that I would decline any offer to have a kind mum instead.

Remembering who we are

Later, I remembered The Little Soul and the Sun parable by Neale Donald Walsh which reminds us who we really are.

I feel grateful to this soul, my Mum, who incarnated into such a heavy, burdened, sad and vengeful body. She did it so I could learn these lessons that I wanted to learn. These lessons made me the amazing, strong, resilient, intuitive and wonderful person that I am.

I owe my Mum so much for who I am, and I feel very emotional and loving toward her now. Even though, she’s no longer meant to be in my life, her purpose in my life is fulfilled. Now, I am eternally grateful.

Thank you Stephanie. I trust you will retain the peace you now feel about the role your mother played in your life. I hope those who read this will be touched, as I have been, by your generosity in sharing your journey, and that anyone with similar challenging loved ones will also find peace.