The importance of feeling vulnerable is not well understood. Historically, Our culture does not encourage us to feel vulnerable. Neither to show vulnerability. Although, that is gradually changing a little, boys and girls are often told to be strong and stoic.

Generally, we love stories and the books we read and the shows we watch all contain stories. Also, with family and friends, we share stories. As little children, we love to hear stories read to us. Quite naturally, stories reflect and endorse our culture, and we unwittingly absorb its mores, beliefs and behaviour. Stories shape us and are woven into the fabric of our lives.

From childhood, we are steeped in our culture. As adults, we can choose the aspects of our culture we wish to retain and what we wish to eject. However, this is in theory only. In fact, the ability to change our perspectives and behaviours is complex. Generally, we are unaware of certain motivations and compulsions that reside within us. Suddenly, these buried impulses can surface and we can struggle to control them. 

Hidden compulsions can take over

Here is an example that demonstrates how this can play out. 

When I was a psychologist, Lucas came to see me because he felt lost and alone. Although, he has a wife and three children who love him, he doesn’t feel connected to them in a meaningful way. Soon after, I counsel both Lucas and his wife. Initially, she wants more attention from him, claiming he is habitually secretive. Replying, he admits he does make plans without consulting her.

Eventually, we discover this habit is related to his childhood. Overall, his mother is neurotic and controlling. First, she feels abandoned by her busy husband. Second, she uses Lucas as her companion. Third, she becomes jealous whenever Lucas wants to see his friends. Finally, she forbids him from visiting them. Soon after, he manages her oppression by becoming strongly independent, doing what he wants and lying to his mother about it.

Consequently, this behaviour of his mother does not serve him. To be safe, he needs to be secretive and dishonest. In fact, Lucas fears others will stifle him, so he carries his habit of secrecy into his marriage. For example, he organises trips and activities for himself, without consulting his wife. When his wife discovers he has made these plans, she becomes angry, just like his mother. Now, I help them see the origin of their problems and they agree to change their behaviour.

With their new understanding of their behavioural patterns, I think this couple will now solve their marriage problems. I am wrong. At this point in time, I am a psychologist. Psychologists believe that understanding problems will change behaviour. But, what humans hold within them is more deeply ingrained than the psychology profession understands. Often, past life experiences influence our deeply held beliefs as well as our behaviours.

The power of past lives

When I become a practitioner of past life regression, Lucas wants to explore his past lives. During the trance, we ask his guides to take him to the origin of his problems, Subsequently, he relives several past lives.

First, Lucas iexperiences a life as a monk. Soon, we learn where his troubles begin. As a child, he basks in the love of his family and he is very happy. Traditionally, to be a monk, he must go to a monastery. Unaware of this rule, monks suddenly take him away at the age of nine. Once separated from his loving family, he feels overwhelmed with grief. To cope, he hardens himself emotionally, cutting off his deep feelings of sadness. In doing this, he changes his perspective. Therefore, tells himself he has to be tough and strong, rather than open and loving.

While Lucas pushes away his feelings of vulnerability and sadness, they do not disappear. During subsequent lifetimes, these feelings remain deeply buried in his soul.

After his life as a monk, Lucas is reborn as a pirate. He and his fellow pirates mercilessly plunder other vessels on the high seas. Realising that none of these men can be trusted, he is isolated amongst this band of murderous criminals. During a mutiny, he is thrown overboard and dies alone in the sea.

Now, Lucas realises that the hardness of the pirate is still within him. To hide his fear, the pirate shut down emotionally. Still carrying feelings of isolation and emptiness, Lucas does the same.

The importance of feeling vulnerable

Years ago, when Lucas first came to see me as a psychologist, Lucas was still carrying this deep history within him. He didn’t know that and neither did I. Then, we just knew that, somehow, his patterns of behaviour controlled him. Consequently, he could not change them by a conscious act of will. Now, we knew these patterns were unconscious and formed lifetimes ago. 

When Lucas releases his deep grief and fear, he changes. First, He weeps, feeling exposed and vulnerable. Gradually, he understands that feeling vulnerable, hurting and weeping, are an important part of life, Now, Lucas learns a new story. Avoiding pain and vulnerability does not work in the long term. Running away from our feelings means we are running away from ourselves. When we disown our feelings, we automatically disconnect from our true self. Sadly, we also disconnect from our loved ones too. 

To relive our past experiences and to shift our perspectives, we need to be aware of our unconscious unresolved past lives. Then, we bring our past disturbances to surface in the present. In truth, the present is always pregnant with the past. Now, we reconnect with our feelings of vulnerability, accepting them, so we can built genuine inner strength.