How to find true love a question many ask. However, to find true love, you need a deep understanding how this Earth system works. Maybe, you think the “law of attraction” is the answer, Unfortunately, this idea is misleading. Therefore, visualising your desire will not bring it into existence. Trying to attract a true love relationship might seem straight forward at first. Actually, it is much more complicated. Many can get lost on this journey. Luckily there is a shortcut to feeling love and special and I am going to share that with you. First however, I want you to understand some of the ways people cope without true love.

Feeling lonely and ordinary  

Generally, no one wants to feel alone and ordinary. In fact, that brings only a painful sense of emptiness. Carelessly, most focus on destructive substitutes to overcome this sense of inner emptiness. Addiction and distraction are obvious candidates. For example, taking substances like alcohol, drugs and medications help us numb buried pain. Engaging in gambling, video games, sports, hobbies, bodywork, career and other obsessions distract us from the empty feelings we harbour deep inside.

A long time ago, I am studying psychology at university while working as a croupier in a casino. At that time, I notice a cohort of regulars who willingly play all night, win or lose. Privately, a workmate tells me a customer I know has just sold his house to pay his gambling debts.  Now, I am confused. Surely, as an accountant, he knows he cannot win. As soon as I start work at the casino, I work out the odds of winning. Therefore. I know every spin of the wheel, every hand of blackjack reduces players’ chances of winning by approximately 2.7%. Puzzled, I gently talk to the accountant, hoping to find out why he gambles. Willingly, he shares the reason why he ignores the odds. He wants to believe the odds do not apply to him. Now, I ask, “what would that mean?” Amazed, I listen to his reply. “It means I am special.” 

How to find true love

Shocked, I take decades to fully absorb this truth I discovered in my twenties, specifically that we all want to feel loved and special. Obviously, that makes us happy and content. Now on my fourth marriage (happily now thirty years long), I have finally worked out the shortcut. 

First and foremost, you need to take personal responsibility for feeling loved and special. Definitely, that means NOT looking for it from anyone else. Absolutely, it means loving yourself and feeling special yourself.

Second, you need to remove any blocks in the way of self-love and feeling special. Usually, these blocks come in the form of messages you received and absorbed during childhood. Unfortunately, these probably came from those who professed to love and/or care for you. Thus, parents, siblings, teachers, carers and anyone who you looked up to. Now you need to examine each negative message and each person who passed it to you. Most certainly, these people are flawed. We all are. Carefully consider, “do I agree with what they said?  Was it more to do with their views, beliefs and background rather me?”

Third, you need to be aware and vigilant. Anytime, you are critical of yourself, stop! Rephrase what you said to make it a positive. For example, “I shouldn’t have done that” to “I am learning not to do that.”

Brene Brown wanted to discover the difference between those people who feel they are loved and belong and those who do not. Over time, she interviewed hundreds of people and found out there is only ONE difference between them. People who feel they are loved and belong BELIEVE they are loved and belong. Apart from that belief, the lives of these two cohorts were much the same. For more information, watch her TedTalk.

Feeling special comes from within

When you feel connected to your true self, you don’t need to work at being special. You are already special to yourself. Importantly, the word “special” comes from the Latin root for “species”.  In truth, you are your own species, your own unique mix of abilities, personality, characteristics, history, actions, motivations, feelings experience, ancestry etc. Being so unique, you are innately special. Actually, you are not like anyone else, and you do not need to be. It is time to accept yourself as you are and appreciate that. Of course, you can learn more and do more but that doesn’t change the fundamental. You are your own individual self and vibration and when you own it, your life becomes better, easier and more joyful. Smiling is natural and easy while loving is natural and comfortable. You are grateful for everything.

Being true to yourself, you begin attracting those who are self-aware themselves and who value the uniqueness of each human. Now you know how to find true love. Simply be your true self.