How do we create our reality? The concept that we create our reality is commonly espoused as being fundamental to our purpose on this planet. Michael Newton and others have been told by channelled high level spiritual guidance that we plan our lives. That may be so, but are we responsible for what happens in each life? Does our lack of awareness mitigate that responsibility?

I have formed some views about creating our reality from the many regressions I have conducted with over a thousand clients. How we manifest our reality is of great interest to me because that is something I am helping people do: create the reality that they desire.

As a psychologist, I had many young clients who said they were fearful and anxious. Instead, they wanted to feel light and happy. When together we explored their current lives, I often found myself thinking: “if I was living like you, I would feel anxious too.”

I didn’t share that view with them, of course, because I knew they were trapped in their self-sabotaging behaviours. That is why they were there with me. The actions they were taking or not taking in their lives were self-destructive, but many didn’t seem to realise that. Here are some of the behaviours they were exhibiting:

• Overspending and not keep track of their finances.
• Allowing themselves to be bullied or unfairly criticised.
• Distracting themselves from their problems by using substances or frivolous activities
• Staying in unhealthy relationships.
• Feeling lost directionless.
• Lacking discernment and making poor choices.
• Suffering negative emotions like anger or resentment.
• Struggling with anxiety.

I could see they were creating their reality, but they felt helpless when it came to doing anything about it. First, they couldn’t clearly see what they were doing. Second, they failed to realise that their self-sabotaging behaviours were there for a deeper purpose, and therefore impeding their ability to change them.

As children we have one important purpose above all others: to get to adulthood. To stay safe and survive, we pick up many beliefs and behaviours that will outlast their usefulness once we are older. We were unwittingly influenced to adopt these beliefs and behaviours from the powerful people in our lives such as parents, teacher, other adults, and our peers.

For example, in my life after being badly abused by each parent at a young age, I became a people pleaser when around anyone I saw as powerful. To stay safe, I focused on keeping them calm and happy. That is a sure way to lose yourself. Later, as an adolescent with powerful hormones raging in my body, I rebelled.  But the habit of keeping bosses, partners, and other adults happy soon returned in early adulthood.

Humans are habitual. When a strategy works, we keep using it. It becomes such a natural part of who we are, we lose awareness of the fact that it was created to keep us safe. We keep using the same strategy even when it is no longer useful or healthy. Of course, fear plays a part here and the original fear we felt as a young child (or in an unresolved past life) has not gone away. It is waiting in our psyche, ready to be triggered whenever we feel threatened

This triggering process is automatic, meant to keep us safe. It is the same automatic process used by animals to protect them from a threat. But we are not animals. We have evolved our consciousness and created complexity in our lives. We can deliberately override our sense of danger and stay in situations that an animal would have immediately abandoned.

My clients were creating their reality unconsciously. They were unaware of the conflict between what worked in the past and what works now. The same habitual strategies kept them trapped in their anxious, unhappy lives.

Finding the original cause of our anxiety, coming to terms with it, before working out a way to change our current circumstances helps us create more peace and calm in our lives. But we need to change the habit too. To overcome our habit, our first step is being mindful of when we are triggered. Once we sense the relationship between our current situation and that of the past, our distress dissipates.

We can be triggered in a variety of situations. As we make the connection with each new threat, we gradually extinguish our habitual response.

We do create our reality but understanding how we do that and making necessary changes takes time and effort. But this creative ability is one of the fundamental reasons we are on this planet. Manifesting what we really want is eminently worthwhile.

If you would like to know more about how you can create the reality you want, click HERE.