Emotionally absent fathers leave a legacy to their children. Unfortunately, their children usually grow up feeling incomplete, empty or lost in some way. Although many of us disapprove of this legacy, we discover during life between lives regressions that this “father absence” has a purpose.

“My father was absent even when he was present,” mused my client, Lara, as we explore her childhood during her regression session. Looking back, she explains how her father read the paper in the morning, rarely acknowledging his three children. Of course, he sat at the head of the table at dinner, but he is watching the news on TV. The only time he engages with Lara is when she does something that he considers incorrect. Even this critical attention is rare.

Adult children of absent fathers use different strategies to deal with the emptiness they carry.

Obviously, desperate for her father’s love and attention, Lara spends her childhood being ‘the good girl, hoping to get a few crumbs of positive attention. Sadly, It doesn’t work because her father has his mind on other things. Like many men, his focus is mainly on his work and fulfilling what he believes is his male role—providing for his family.

In her teens, Lara gives up being the good girl and rebels. She decides her father isn’t important. In fact, she doesn’t realise that her behavior is largely a reaction to him. Subconsciously, she is trying to get his attention and punish him by becoming a “bad girl.”

In adulthood, Lara struggles with her relationships with men. She doesn’t know how to relax and be herself. As well, she doesn’t know how to express her true feelings. Instead, she is always afraid her partners may leave, and they often do.

Consequently, she is attracted to men who are like her father, hoping they will be attentive but subconsciously fearing they may the same way as her father did. Naturally, that is what happens. No matter how much she tries to get her partners to love and focus on her, they remain distant.

Of course, she would have been terrified if her partner suddenly became loving and attentive. She had no model for dealing with that level of intimacy. But she is not aware of this.

When we do a regression, she realises she is still living with her ‘internalised’ father. Now, her guides appear, and encourage her to look more deeply at her father and his history. Looking back, she sees that his father, her paternal grandfather, was also distant, never emotionally connecting with his children. In the past, times were tough, and people were suffering wars and danger. Nearly everyone shut off their emotions and focused on surviving. The emotional absence of fathers has come down the ancestral line.

Reassuringly, Lara’s guides tell her she can change her relationships with men and attract a different type of man. First, she needs to heal her relationship with her father.

Now, she sees an image of her father as a child. He is alone, afraid and confused. By connecting to these emotions, she knows how he feels. Soon, she starts weeping. Now, she wraps this little boy up in a blanket of love, crying many tears, not knowing if the tears are hers or her father’s.

After this session, her relationship with her father changes. No longer does she see him as the cold rejecting father. Instead, she sees the hurt child. Gently, she moves towards him affectionately. He softens and asks about her life.

Lara’s guides give Lara more information. Being here on Earth, she is to learn to be loving rather than judging. Her father’s absence hurt, but mainly because she thought it was about her, believing she was unlovable. In truth, it was not about her at all. Her father was emotionally shut down. To survive, he had hardened his heart. Similarly, when Lara was being the bad girl, her heart was hardening too.

In conclusion, Lara realises people become cool and distant for a reason. When we ask for the truth, our guides help us see the pain and suffering of others. Seeing the truth of people, their inner pain, fear and isolation, can lift us out of judgement. Then, as loving souls, we are inclined to treat them carefully, with kindness and compassion.